[Cut to room presumably inside the same building that Mulan has been taken
to. There are numerous young ladies coquettishly entertaining the Second
Prince. He looks slightly drunk and is playfully chasing them around the

Ladies [dodging Second Prince]: You can't catch us.

[The Second Prince wags his finger at them and continues chasing them,
finally catching one young lady in his embrace. He leads her over to the
table where there is a teapot and a couple of urns]

Caught lady: I want that one. [Pointing to one of the containers. The Second
Prince opens one urn and uses a small spoon to scoop out some of its
contents. He feeds the caught lady a spoonful and then gives himself a
spoonful. It looks like either a large pill or some narcotic. The other
ladies all beg to have some of the pills]

Second Prince: I want to nibble on some flowers.[Eyes the lady he caught
with a drunken yet lascivious air. He tries to grab her but all the young
ladies dart out of the way. Everyone looks either drunk or stoned out of
their minds. He stumbles and the kidnapper steps in to catch him]

Kidnapper: Your Highness, please be careful.

Second Prince: I'm fine. Did you know that I'm the reincarnation of
Guanyin's kid sidekick?

Kidnapper [humoring him]: Um... yes, that's right.

Second Prince: That's why neither knives nor spears can harm me. [Turns to
ladies] Isn't that right? [The young ladies are still whining and begging
for the pills he was ingesting]

Kidnapper: Um... your Highness, did you have any Five Stone Elixir?

Second Prince: No, I didn't eat Five Stone Elixir. I ate a Pixie Pill.

Kidnapper: Um... oh.Pixie Pills. I see.

Second Prince: That's why I can fly.[Has a glazed expression on his face and
he starts staggering around the room]

Kidnapper [supporting the Second Prince]: Um... your Highness, might I suggest
that we continue this flower game tomorrow?

Second Prince: What? What do you mean we'll continue this tomorrow? Didn't
you say that you'd have someone new today?
Kidnapper: Um... yes.

Second Prince: Then lead the way.

Kidnapper: Yes, sir. Let me escort you there.

[Cut to the temporary quarters of the Crown Prince and the Second Prince.
General Li is impatiently tapping his knuckles on a table while he waits for
someone. Eunuch Gui announces the arrival of the Crown Prince. General Li
comes forward and salutes the Crown Prince]

Crown Prince: You don't need to be so formal.

General Li [still kneeling]: Your Highness, your humble servant has a favor
to ask of you.

Crown Prince: Well, we can talk about this after you get up.

General Li: If your Highness doesn't grant my request, I refuse to get up.

Crown Prince [grinning]: I'll grant whatever you want. Just get up first.

General Li [rising]: Thank you, your Highness.

Crown Prince: So, what scrape have you gotten yourself into this time? Is it
something fun?

General Li: Your Highness, recently over a dozen young women have
disappeared without a trace. The local judicial system hasn't had the
resources to thoroughly investigate this case, so I sent Lieutenant Hua
undercover dressed as a flower seller to draw out this kidnapper.

Crown Prince [puzzled]: Whom did you say was dressed up as a woman?

General Li: Hua Mulan, or Lieutenant Hua, is the one. He's fallen into enemy
hands now and is now in grave danger!

[Cut to courtyard outside the room where Mulan is held prisoner. It is
filled with several young ladies dressed in fine clothing and all are
holding flowers in their hands. They are all demurely looking at the ground
and standing in orderly rows when Mulan walks in, wearing her new outfit.
She walks by each lady and leans over to see if she recognizes any of them.
She addresses one of them and finds out that she is one of the missing
flower sellers. Thinking a bit, Mulan talks to the other ladies and confirms
that they are all the missing young ladies.

Mulan: You needn't be afraid. I'm sure it won't be long before someone comes
to rescue us.

Young ladies: That won't be necessary. Really, that isn't necessary.

Mulan [surprised]: Why not? Don't you want to be reunited with your

One of the young ladies: All the years of my life, all I've done is tend
flowers or grow things or arrange flowers or cook. Now that I'm here with
Master, I finally have learned what it means to truly live. My life now is
full of fun and entertainment. It's more enjoyable than being an immortal!
[The other young ladies all concur with this sentiment]

Mulan [alarmed]: What did they give you to eat? How come all of you think
this way?

One of the young ladies: You hit the nail on the head. The Five Stone Elixir
is quite good to eat. [Starts to pout] But Master says he will only give it
to us to eat if we're good.
Mulan [puzzled]: Five Stone Elixir?

[The kidnapper comes in with the Second Prince on his arm. The Second Prince
is wearing a veil so he is blindfolded. The young ladies fall into their
prescribed places, with Mulan scrambling to figure out where to stand]
Kidnapper: Everyone, kneel. [They all kneel. Mulan picks a spot at the end
of the line. Everyone except Mulan also lowers her head. Seeing this, the
kidnapper barks at Mulan] You! Lower your head! [She hurriedly lowers her
head, but keeps peeking to see what is going on]

Second Prince: Let me try and identify these flowers by their smells. [The
kidnapper leads the Second Prince to each lady, where he leans over and
takes a deep sniff. He goes from girl to girl, sniffing deeply and correctly
identifying each flower by name. Mulan is privately seething. Finally, the
Second Prince is up to Mulan]

Kidnapper: Now, this is a new one. She's also a flower seller.

[Mulan shuts her eyes and steels herself as the Second Prince leans over and
sniffs deeply. His nose is almost in her ear as he sniffs all over her head.
She is cringing openly but remains silent]

Second Prince [puzzled]: Hm... what fragrance is this one?
Kidnapper: This one is also a flower seller.

Second Prince: Oh. Well, let me take another sniff. [He goes back to Mulan
and sniffs her up and down. She is grimacing and cringing at his touch. Part
of her wants to spring up and hit him while the other part of her doesn't
want to blow her cover] This one doesn't have any floral fragrance at all.
But that doesn't matter. [Pats her back] I'm going to choose you to be my

Mulan [in a coquettish voice but outwardly grimacing]: You're so naughty.

Second Prince [chuckles]: Fine. Well, now you and I are going to take a bath
together. [He grabs her shoulders and lifts her to her feet]

Mulan: No problem. [Seeing her chance, she reaches up and grabs the veil
from the Second Prince's face. She stares in shock when she recognizes him.
He in turn is shocked that the flower seller he was ogling was actually a
"man"] Your Highness! So you're the famous flower kidnapper!

Second Prince [alertly diverting attention]: Who is it? [Mulan turns to look
away and the Second Prince seizes the opportunity to grab a large flower pot
and dash it against the back of her head. Mulan falls to the floor, knocked
out cold]

[Cut to the front door of Nobleman Lingshi's residence. General Li pounds on
the door to gain admittance. A servant opens the door and asks, none too
politely, what he wants]

General Li: I suspect that the people in this building may be involved with
some missing young women. I am here to conduct a search of the premises.

Servant [smugly]: Do you know who is here? This is the residence of the
Youzhou's famous Nobleman Lingshi, the man that is a household name and
holds a candle to none.

General Li: Well, do you know who I am? I'm the great General Li with
prestige that spans the globe and whose name frightens the demons
themselves. Get out of my way! [He roughly shoves the servant aside and
tries to enter the front door, only to have a second, higher-ranking person
block his way]

Second person: Who dares cause a ruckus here?

General Li [eyes him]: So, you must be Lingshi.

Lingshi: Exactly.

Servant: He said he was going to search the premises.

Lingshi [coldly]: He can try if he wants to. [Turns to General Li] Where do
you think you are? I'm good friends with the Second Prince. He's inside now
drinking with me. If you have the guts to disturb him, then it's your own
life in your hands. The last time the local officials tried to conduct a
search I sent them packing in a hurry.

General Li [calmly]: So, are you going to let me search the premises?

Lingshi: What of it if I refuse? I'm warning you, if you know what's good
for you, you'll scram immediately. If you disturb and aggravate the Second
Prince, you'll be thrashed within an inch of your life.

General Li: And I'm warning you, if you know what's good for you, you'll let
me pass and search the premises. If you upset the Crown Prince, you'll be
thrashed within an inch of your life!

Lingshi: Humph! Who are you kidding? Why would the Crown Prince want to
meddle in such minor affairs as this?

Crown Prince [coming forward]: What if I like meddling in things?

Lingshi [blanches and lowers his head]: Your Highness.

[Cut to room inside. Mulan is roughly tossed onto a bed. She is still out

Kidnapper [to Second Prince]: Shall we kill him?

Second Prince: Kill him? He dared dress like a woman to spy on me. If I kill
him now that would be letting him off the hook too easily.

Kidnapper: Your Highness, what do you have in mind?

Second Prince: Hmm. How about this. Cut off his tongue. Blind him with
poison. Crush his fingers. Send him to the Yamen to be a male prostitute.

Mulan [sitting up]: Blind and mute. With broken fingers, too. Would that
even make a suitable male prostitute? I never would have suspected that you
are the flower kidnapper. I pretended to be knocked out so I could better
understand the background of this. You are the son of the Emperor, yet here
you are breaking the law to kidnap young women.
Second Prince: How dare you! The Yang family rules the world! I can do
whatever I please!

Mulan: You're immoral! Does anyone not know that your father the Emperor
uses honesty and integrity to rule his empire? And your mother the Empress
hates men who abuse women. Your actions are degrading and disloyal and
unfilial! I'm going to substitute for your parents and teach you a lesson,
and also do right by the gods! [The Second Prince grabs a sword from a rack
and attacks Mulan with it. The kidnapper tries to pitch in but Mulan kicks
him aside. The Second Prince and Mulan spar back and forth, the former using
a sword and the latter without weapons. Neither is gaining an upper edge]

[Meanwhile, the Crown Prince and General Li, along with several soldiers,
have burst into the residence. Lingshi is trying to prevent the Crown Prince
from entering]

Lingshi [in a panic]: Your Highness! Your Highness, please don't enter. The
west wing is where my grandmother recites her prayers. [The Crown Prince and
General Li stop] Please wait a minute so I can notify her of your arrival,
lest you frighten her. [He tries to walk past the Crown Prince but is
stopped. The Crown Prince and General Li enter the room where Mulan and the
Second Prince are still fighting]

Crown Prince [sternly]: Brother!

[Both Mulan and the Second Prince immediately stop fighting. The Second
Prince does not look guilty and Mulan is still furious. She approaches
General Li]

Mulan: The criminal who is responsible for kidnapping all those flower
sellers is none other than him! [She points to the Second Prince. General Li
has to restrain her slightly]
General Li: Mulan, calm down. Let the Crown Prince handle this.

[The Crown Prince looks at the Second Prince with a mixture of anger and
sadness. He stalks from the room to an adjoining waiting room. The Second
Prince is following close behind]

Second Prince: Brother! Brother! [He grabs the Crown Prince's sleeve and
falls to his knees with tears in his eyes] Brother, you have to save me! You
have to save me! [The Crown Prince angrily grabs his brother's arm and lifts
him to his feet]

Crown Prince [livid]: If you wanted women you could have told me! Fat or
skinny, tall or short, I would have given you as many as you wanted! Why did
you have to hire people to scout for you high and low and do such low and
immoral things? If the gods make you do such things they are forgivable but
when you do it of your own accord then it's a death sentence! [The Second
Prince hangs his head in shame and looks contrite] Li Liang and Hua Mulan
have seen your ugly side with their own two eyes. How do you expect me to
save you now? I can't save you!

Second Prince: A mistake like this is as bad as a thousand ancient hates.
Brother, I sinned against you. I sinned against our mother and father. Even
more importantly, I sinned against all the Yang family's ancestors. Fine.
Since things are so bad, then I will use my blood to wash away this stain on
the family name! [Starts running toward a column to bash his head but the
Crown Prince grabs his arm and restrains him]

Crown Prince: Brother!

Second Prince [with tears in his eyes]: Let me go! If our parents find out,
they will execute me. Since I have to die either way, you may as well let me
die now! [Tries to jerk free of the Crown Prince's grip so he can bash his
head against the column but the Crown Prince holds on even more firmly]

Crown Prince [sternly]: Brother! How could you be so stupid? How could you
get into such a big mess?

[The Second Prince turns around and embraces his brother. The Crown Prince
has tears in his eyes, but the Second Prince actually has a calculating look
in his. It is obvious the whole suicide attempt was a charade to get his
brother to feel sorry for him and help him cover up the whole sordid

[Cut to another room. Mulan is sitting down and General Li is helping Mulan
with her hair ornaments. She is grimacing in pain]

General Li [concerned]: Does it hurt?

Mulan [shortly]: Does it hurt? Let me take a flowerpot and bash you on your
head a couple of times. See if you think it hurts or not. [She keeps
gingerly rubbing her sore head]

General Li [sighs]: If I had known it would turn out with such violence and
danger, I would have gone undercover in your place instead.

Mulan [grinning]: You're concerned for my welfare? [General Li gets an
embarrassed look on his face as the soldiers watching nearby start
chuckling. He gets up and walks towards the soldiers]

General Li [sternly]: Hey you! What are you laughing about? At attention!

[Mulan is grinning at his discomfort. He smiles slightly, then walks over to
her] Lieutenant Hua?

Mulan [stands at attention]: Yes, sir.

General Li: The Second Prince is someone who can ask for anything and will
receive it. Why do you think he would resort to doing such things?

Mulan: That's easy. He's an uncouth beast. Actually, if he wanted women he
could always go to a brothel. He needn't do such sordid and sinful things.

[They both turn when they hear the Crown Prince's arrival back in the room.
The Second Prince is at his side and all the kidnapped young ladies are
behind them]

Crown Prince: Come along, everyone. Follow me. [Turns to General Li and
Mulan] How could the ladies at a brothel compare to my handpicked maidens
with their innocence and lack of guile?

General Li [surprised]: Your Highness... this?

Crown Prince: Oh, it's all because of my sloppiness. I forgot that I had
asked my brother to help me find some young ladies who smelled of fragrant
flowers. I wanted to arrange a flower show to help celebrate my birthday.

[General Li and Mulan look at each other in puzzlement] My precious ladies,
please tell General Li if you came here voluntarily or by force?

Ladies [in unison]: We were invited here. [General Li doesn't know what to
make of it]

Mulan [coming forward]: Hey, you were all kidnapped here! How can you
voluntarily admit to selling yourselves?

Crown Prince: Now, Lieutenant Hua, my brother found all these young ladies
for me. As for you, you weren't on my list of flowers to get, so I suspect
someone made a mistake. That doesn't matter, though. I'll go straighten this
out for you.

Mulan [protesting]: Your Highness...

Crown Prince: Now, now, you needn't say anymore. How about this? I'll go the
magistrate's office right now and tell him everything you've reported to me.
Will that be enough? [Mulan starts to pout but she holds her tongue. The
Crown Prince leads the ladies and his brother out the door. The Second
Prince shoots Mulan a warning look as he leaves. Mulan is about to attack
him but General Li holds back her arm and shakes his head warningly. She
sighs in frustration]

[Cut to mess hall. Several soldiers are eating. The older soldier who works
in the mess kitchen, called Uncle Ma by the other troops, is offering words
of encouragement to Mulan's soldiers]

Uncle Ma: Now, you don't need to worry. Lieutenant Hua's skills are great.
He'll make it through safe and sound. [Jili is sitting forlornly at a table.

Monkey and Pudgy are standing next to Uncle Ma]

Monkey [whimpering]: You're an old fuddy-duddy. The enemy isn't some kind
and gentle person. It doesn't matter how skilled Boss is, he's still a
mortal and not an immortal.

Jili [gets an idea]: An immortal? That's right. I'm an immortal. How come
I've been so stupid that I've forgotten that? How come I've not been acting
like an immortal in the least? [Pudgy and Monkey are sitting down now

Pudgy [with his mouth full]: Su Jili, what are you talking about?

Jili [in some anger]: You become what your peers are. It's all because I've
spent too much time with you mere mortals, so now this immortal has become a
big stupid bird!

Monkey [standing up]: What did you say? [Shoves Jili] You damned fool! You
scolded me!

Jili [impatiently]: Get out of my way! I'm going to search for Boss! [They
start wrestling each other and Jili begins to beat up Monkey when General Li
and Mulan walk in the mess hall. Everyone's attention suddenly turns to the
new arrivals]

Monkey: Boss! You're back! I hope I'm not dreaming.

Mulan: I'm standing here in front of you; how could it be a dream? [Grins at

Pudgy: Boss, I didn't think I'd ever see you again. [Mulan playfully punches

Jili [subdued]: Boss... did that flower kidnapper manage to... um... kidnap your

Mulan [swats him]: Get on with you.[Flinches when her head starts hurting
from the sudden motion]

Jili [concerned]: What's the matter with your head? Are you okay?

Mulan [shakes her head]: No, it's nothing.

General Li [with pride]: Our Miss Hua, for the sake of preserving her cover,
got injured in the line of duty.

Monkey: So, Boss, did you find out who the criminal is?

Mulan: You'll never guess who it is! The criminal is none other
than.[General Li interrupts her]

General Li: Let me tell the story. It turns out that the criminal is from
the far west and part of this cult. [The soldiers are all enraptured with
the story, so they don't notice that Mulan is unusually quiet now] His name
was something like Yibulachalanbuda. He's quite famous. Even the Emperor has
heard of him. [He shoots Mulan a look warning her to keep her mouth shut and
that he will explain later]

[Cut to General Li's quarters. General Li and Mulan are sitting at a table
and discussing the recent events]

Mulan: Why didn't you tell them the truth? What was all that baloney for?
Oh.you're afraid? You're afraid that the Second Prince will arrest you and
have you executed?

General Li: I'm not afraid of him arresting me. I'm afraid that it will put
the Crown Prince in a difficult position. Didn't you think that the reason
the Crown Prince put all the blame for this incident on himself is because
he didn't want this scandal to get public? If you go and tell everyone the
truth, that will just make it harder for him.

Mulan: The Second Prince is guilty of such base and immoral actions; are we
supposed to look the other way and not pursue it any further?

General Li [sighs]: Since the Crown Prince has taken entire responsibility
on himself, what can we subjects say?

Mulan: I can't believe the Crown Prince is going to let off his brother. Why
should he help him? It's like raising a snake; it'll eventually grow up to
bite the hand that feeds it. I'm worried that next time he'll do something
even worse, since he wasn't punished this time.

General Li: Ha! Look who's talking now? Who said the Second Prince is close
and caring of his subjects, down-to-earth, strong yet gentle and has met
many people? I believe you also said that if he became Emperor, he'd be far
superior to his brother the Crown Prince.

Mulan [sheepish]: I saw but did not observe. I don't have the skill of
observing and deciphering people and their actions like you do, nor do I
have that famous piercing vision of yours, that is capable of seeing into a
person's soul. [General Li looks uncomfortable but keeps gazing at Mulan.
Seeing his gaze, Mulan asks him tartly] What are you looking at? Oh. I know
what it is. Today's the last day you'll get to see me dressed as a woman.
You'll miss this, so you want to get your fill today.

General Li [sternly]: There you go again.

Mulan [sitting closer]: Don't be afraid. Go ahead and look. [She is grinning
wickedly at him]

General Li: Stop talking nonsense.

Mulan: If you didn't think I was a woman, you wouldn't have given me such
delicacies as sweetened pear juice mixed with water. Go ahead. Watch. [She
poses for him]

General Li [gets up quickly]: Go to sleep now! [Turns and leaves] If you
want to watch, then watch yourself.

Mulan [snickering to herself]: Well, you're the one that didn't want to

[Cut to temporary quarters for the Crown Prince and Second Prince. The
Second Prince is standing next to the window looking forlorn and depressed.
The Crown Prince comes over and frowns when he sees his brother's low

Crown Prince: Oh come on, stop looking so down in the dumps. How about we go
out for a walk and clear you mind?

Second Prince: I appreciate your good intentions, Brother. I really got into
a huge scrape this time through my own carelessness. It's a good thing that
you took pity on me and covered for me. If I didn't feel badly over this,
then what kind of person does that make me?

Crown Prince: You've already thought things over for the past several days.
That's enough thinking.

Second Prince: No, it's not enough. I need to exert myself to even more
thinking. I've resolved that starting tomorrow, I will go to the temple and
meditate and do penance daily.

Crown Prince: Well, if that's your plan, you may as well go and become a

Second Prince: I've already considered that. But since our parents are still
alive I didn't want to hurt their feelings. When they have shuffled off this
mortal coil, I will do it then.

Crown Prince: To be a monk means that all your senses must be purified. No
drinking, no eating meat... hell, you can't even enjoy the company of women.
What fun is that? If you go off to become a monk, I will tear down the
monastery that takes you in.

[Eunuch Gui comes running in and calling for the Crown Prince]
Eunuch Gui [hands a letter to the Crown Prince]: Your Highness, this just
came from the Emperor. [The Crown Prince takes the letter and opens it. He
quickly reads its contents]

Second Prince: Brother, do our parents have any words of admonition for us?

Crown Prince [sighs]: It's just the same old thing. They want us to hurry up
and go back to the palace.

Eunuch Gui: Your Highness, since their Majesties have sent a letter
expressly asking you to return to the palace, your humble servant suggests
that it might be best for you two to quickly return to the capital.

Crown Prince [shaking his head]: Life in the capital is boring and stagnant.
Life out here is exciting and entertaining.

Second Prince: Brother, aren't you afraid of what our parents might do?

Crown Prince: The commoners have a saying, "The mountain is tall and
the Emperor is far away." [Chuckling] Haven't you heard of it? [Heads out
the door] Well, I'm off to have some fun. [Eunuch Gui starts to follow the
Crown Prince, calling for him but the Crown Prince ignores him. The Second
Prince remains behind with a shrewdly calculating look on his face]

[Cut to field outside camp. General Li is standing alone when Mulan
approaches him]

Mulan [grinning]: General Li, what a surprise to see you here. We agreed to
go see the regulars practice their exercises today. Why are you here now?

General Li [distantly]: I forgot.

Mulan [puzzled]: What's the matter? The day before yesterday we were going
to go see the new recruits but you said that you didn't have time and you
would come get me later. And now you completely forgot.

General Li: I'm sorry.

Mulan [still puzzled]: You know, I think you've been acting a bit funny
lately. It's like you're deliberately avoiding me.

General Li: Have I?

Mulan: Have you? Usually, when you drop by the mess for meals and see me
there, you'll stop and sit with me. But yesterday, you walked right by and
sat way on the other side of the mess. Plus, you used to discuss issues
relating to the regular troops with me, but you haven't done that lately.
[Pouts and turns away]

General Li: I've been busy lately.

Mulan: It's not that you've been busy, but that you're weird. Lately, you
seem distracted and preoccupied. Do you have any pressing issues on your
mind? If you do, talk it out with me. Maybe I can help you resolve them. And
if I can't fix them, at least I can help lighten your load.

General Li [sounding a little annoyed]: I don't have anything on my mind,
nor do I need you to lighten my load.

Mulan [starts to tease]: Oh. I know what it is. Suppose you were smitten with
my young woman's disguise. That would explain why you are so distracted and
preoccupied. [Starts grinning openly at him. General Li does not see the
humorous side and starts to frown]

General Li [sharply]: Nonsense!

Mulan: Then why is that as soon as I resumed my usual male attire you
changed your attitude toward me? Mooning about like you have. Do you want me
to don my woman's dress again so you can dream some more and feel better?
[Starts flirting with him but he isn't biting]

General Li [sternly]: Hua Mulan! If you make me the butt of your jokes again
I won't be so nice next time! [Mulan wipes the smirk off her face and stands
looking rather foolish and sheepish. Hearing a noise, General Li turns to
the side suddenly] Who's there?

[Jili, Pudgy, and Monkey appear from behind some trees. Jili is nonchalantly
chewing on a straw]

General Li: What are you doing sneaking around like that?

Jili: We're... looking for a kitty cat.

General Li [puzzled]: A kitty cat?

Jili: Back in camp, there's a male kitty cat that's in heat. He keeps
looking high and low for a female kitty cat. [Clears his throat] We're
afraid that he will be so desperate that he will treat another male kitty
cat as a female kitty cat. I can't even begin to fathom the consequences of

General Li [blushing and angry]: You boars! [Storms off. Mulan watches him
go in some concern. She walks over to Jili in a none too pleased mood]

Mulan: Did you find that kitty cat yet?

Jili [deliberately speaking loudly so General Li can hear as he leaves]: No,
I haven't found that cat yet. When I do, I promise you I'll have him
castrated. We'll keep him in camp as our resident eunuch cat.

Mulan [knees him in the groin]: You're immoral! [Stalks off. Jili doubles
over in pain from the blow and whimpers]

Jili: I never said I wanted to be a eunuch.

[Cut to road in the fields. General Li is using a small hatchet to chop
wood, though it looks like he is doing so mainly to vent some frustration.
He looks up when he hears someone approaching. Seeing it is the Crown
Prince, he salutes and greets him]

General Li: Your Highness, what brings you here?

Crown Prince: I came here today to give you my thanks.

General Li [puzzled]: But I haven't done anything to warrant your gratitude.

Crown Prince: The case of the missing young ladies would have stayed
unresolved if not for your efforts and labor. If word got out about this
case's denouement, I tremble to think of the consequences. This is all to
your credit.

General Li [chuckling]: Your generosity in shouldering all the blame for
your brother's folly is truly something that is worthy of everyone's

Crown Prince: I knew I couldn't hoodwink you.

General Li: Your Highness, I fear that your generosity will not be

Crown Prince: Between brothers, who needs to talk about reciprocating?

General Li: Your Highness, your kindness and loyalty are gifts to your
subjects. But everyone must always be on his guard.

Crown Prince: Do you mean towards my brother? My mother probably raised him
too strictly. That explains why he would get into such a shameful scrape as

General Li: But.

Crown Prince [puts arm on his shoulder]: You're a good person in every
respect. Your only failing is that you take things too seriously. Life is
short. We should pursue as much happiness as possible and in abundance. We
shouldn't go seeking more headaches. [Pauses a bit] Hey... I'm going to take
you a fun place.

General Li: What?

Crown Prince: Come on. [Drags him off down the road]

[Cut to brothel. The Crown Prince is dragging a reluctant General Li inside]

Crown Prince: Come on in, this is a fun place. See how nice it is? [General
Li takes one look at the fancy decorations and tries to turn around and bolt
out the door, but the bouncers block his way] Stand still!

General Li [pleading]: Your Highness, please stop toying with me.

Crown Prince: Who's playing with you? You are to be a good boy and stay put.
Otherwise, I won't consider you my good friend anymore. [Puts his arm around
General Li's shoulders] Now, don't tell me that even though you're a big boy
now, you've never visited a brothel before?

General Li [blushing]: Your Highness, I cannot tell a lie. I really haven't
been to one before.

[The brothel's madam leads several young ladies down the stairs to present
them before the Crown Prince and General Li. The ladies are all wearing
bright red robes over bright red spaghetti-strap gowns, except for the
madam, who has a gold colored inner gown]

Madam: Girls, this is Master Yang. [To Crown Prince] Master Yang, I've already set
up everything according to your orders. These are the most entertaining,
liveliest, and wittiest young ladies in my establishment, all reserved for
you. [The Crown Prince rubs his hands in glee like a kid in a candy store.
His eyes alight on General Li and he gets an idea]

Crown Prince: Hmm... [Shoves General Li in the direction of the young ladies]
They're all yours. [General Li is aghast at this development. The young
ladies all grab him despite his protests] What do you mean, "no?" I put up
the money and labor to arrange this for you, to have all these wonderful
ladies wait on you alone, yet you act thus ungraciously? [Taps General Li's
nose] You tell me if I ought to have you executed.

General Li [protesting]: I can't, though.

Crown Prince [to ladies]: I want you to conduct a little test to see if my
friend here is really a eunuch in disguise. [The young ladies all giggle at
this and start to grab General Li, then drag him off. He tries vainly to
break free of their clutches as they haul him away] Brother Li, a spring
night is worth a thousand pieces of gold. Enjoy it while you can! [After
they leave, he turns to the madam] Madam, this friend of mine is a great
soldier who has bested a thousand men on the battlefield. I never imagined
that today he'd meet his match here! [The madam and the Crown Prince both
giggle at this joke] The ladies of your establishment are very capable! [The
madam giggles again] I want you to take good care of him. This is his first
time, you know.

Madam [giggling]: No problem!

[Cut to guest room inside brothel. The young ladies have dragged General Li
inside. He finally manages to stand clear of them]

General Li: Everyone, stand still. Stand still, I say!

Prostitute: What's the matter? [Eyes him coquettishly]

General Li: Um... you are the most beautiful. I want you.

Prostitute: Really?

General Li: I only want you to entertain me. Um... if you do it well, I'll
pay you handsomely.

Prostitute: Oh really... Master Li... [Grabs his shirt and starts to flirt with him]
Oh, so you were only pretending to be so serious and upright... you naughty
boy, you.

General Li: Er... why don't you ask the rest of them to leave? Do you expect me
to.. um... you know what in front of everyone?

Prostitute [turns to other prostitutes]: What are you staying here for?
Everyone, out, out, out. [She herds them out the door. General Li hurriedly
thinks of how to get out of this scrape. The prostitute returns and starts
clutching his arm again] Oh, Master Li... how about I help draw you a bath and
then help you bathe?

General Li: Um... no problem. No problem at all. [Spots the table with a chess
board on it] No wait. How about we start off with a game of chess. I want to
see if beauty and wit live side by side in that body.

Prostitute [aghast]: What? [General Li hurriedly sits down and starts to set
up the chess board. The prostitute regains her composure and starts to
massage General Li's shoulders] Oh... Master Li, I'm warning you that no matter
what happens, you can't escape me tonight. Don't waste your time trying to
hatch plans out of this.

General Li: Um... [squirms away as the prostitute tries to nuzzle his neck]
Um... [Grabs her hand] Wait, look at your hand! Your palm is special.

Prostitute: Oh, Master Li, so you know how to read palms?

General Li: Um... just a little bit. [Looks carefully at her palm, then frowns]
See, what kind of parents did you have, sending you to such a wild place as

Prostitute: Oh... Mr. Li, how about this? Read my palm and tell me what my
future husband is like.

General Li: Um... your husband... let me see. your husband. [He studiously looks
over her palm] Excellent! Absolutely excellent!
Prostitute: Master Li... what do you mean by excellent? Don't just keep saying
that. Master Li, tell me what he does for a living?

General Li: What he does as his occupation? Um... he has money and influence. He's
a government official.

Prostitute: Oh... a government official. [Eyes him mischievously] But Master Li,
aren't you a government official, too? [General Li initially is oblivious to
the hint she is throwing, but then he squirms a little under her gaze. She
is having a grand time teasing him and keeping him off balance] Master Li, do
you think I'm good?

General Li [blushing]: Um... yes, I do think you're good.

Prostitute [starts hugging him]: Then Master Li, why don't you take my hand in
marriage? [General Li is taken aback at the prostitute's forwardness]

General Li [squirming free]: No, wait, I can't... I mean, I'm not done reading
your palm yet. [He tries to distract her a little longer but the prostitute
is not letting him go that easily]

Prostitute [puts her hand down his shirt]: Well, Master Li, the spring night is
short and it's late. Let's head over to the bed right now!

General Li [protesting]: No! I can't do that! I really can't do that!

Prostitute [annoyed]: What's the matter? You're not going to do it anymore?
Humph! I bet I know what it is. You must think I'm beneath you. You have a
sweetheart, so you're keeping your body as pure as jade for her, aren't you?
In that case, that means you look down upon us commoners who put
on makeup and entertain men for a living. [General Li is struck dumb with
her words]

General Li [muttering]: Sweetheart? [He starts to smack himself around, causing
the prostitute to look at him in concern]

Prostitute: Master Li, are you all right? [She tries to help him but he pushes
her away roughly]

General Li [shortly]: Let me go! Scram! [He scurries out of the room,
despite the entreaties of the prostitute]

[Cut to mess hall in the military camp. The troops are all noisily getting
their food rations for the day and sitting down to eat at the tables. Mulan
is already eating her meal at one of these tables by herself. Jili is line
for his rations when General Li walks in the tent. He gets in line for his
food but doesn't seem to notice Jili. Jili walks over to Mulan's bench and
tells everyone at the table that General Li has arrived. They all stand and
scoot over to make some room. Mulan looks very happy that General Li is
there, then frowns when she notices Jili is sitting next to her and refusing
to move over. She glares at him a few times and he finally scoots over to
make space for General Li]

Mulan [to General Li]: General Li, please sit with us.

[He ignores her and walks to the far side of the mess to sit down. Jili
notices Mulan's puzzled expression and can't resist putting in his two

Jili [in a sing-song voice]: I used to want to shine on the moon; who knew
the moon would end up shining on my tears. Oh woe is me, woe is me, woe is

Mulan [glaring at Jili]: Out of the mouths of fools... get back to eating your
food! [Gets up and takes her rice bowl over to General Li's bench, openly
grinning at him, then sits down next to General Li] General Li, where did
you go last night?

General Li: Since when have you started to meddle in my affairs?

Mulan: Um... no, that's not it. It's just that I had something to discuss with
you yesterday and I couldn't find you, so I decided to ask you, that's all.

General Li: Well, what was it about?

Mulan: Um... yesterday, some of my soldiers had a little brawl. One of them was
even injured.

General Li [shortly]: You should handle your soldiers' affairs yourself.
What kind of lieutenant are you if you come running to me for everything?

Mulan: Actually, I already took care of things. I just wanted to report it
to you.

General Li: Next time, don't come bothering me with these little trivial
things. I don't have the time for them.

Mulan [looks subdued]: Fine. [She resumes her meal, but when General Li sees
she isn't leaving, he puts his bowl down]

General Li: Why are you still here? [Mulan is surprised and rendered
speechless at both his words and tone of voice] I don't like to be bothered
with company when I'm dining. [Mulan pouts a little, then walks back to the
table where Jili, Monkey, and Pudgy are eating. She sits back down and looks
a little hurt]

Monkey [whispering to Mulan]: Boss, since when did you offend General Li? What
he did was really unwarranted.

Jili [muttering]: If you want General Li to act pleasantly around Boss,
that's an easy task. Just have him dress up as a woman again and flirt with
General Li and that will do it. Right? Isn't that right? [Mulan angrily
shoves a wad of rice in Jili's mouth]

Mulan [sternly]: Get back to your meal!

[Cut to General Li's chambers. He is sitting at a table, looking quite
perturbed in his mind, and knocking back several cups of rice wine. There is
a knock at the door]

General Li: Who is it?

Mulan: It's me, Mulan.

[With a sigh, General Li gets up and walks over and opens his door]

Mulan [standing]: General Li, sir. [Humbly bows before him] I apologize.

General Li [crossly]: There's no rhyme nor reason. Why are you apologizing?

Mulan: I don't know. I figured I must have done something to annoy or offend
you, so I came over to apologize. Oh, General Li, are you unhappy because
Monkey and company frequently make you the butt of their jokes? [Grins] But
General Li, I know that you aren't such a petty person. [Puts her arm around
his shoulders] You're a big-hearted and generous man, so you won't be upset
over their teasing.

General Li [coldly]: You and I differ in rank. Might I ask you to stand up
straight? [Mulan straightens up but her arm is still across his shoulders]
Your arm, too? [Mulan pulls her arm away, but she looks a little hurt at
this request] From this day forth, I ask that you remember your rank and
remember my rank. Don't act so hail-fellow-well-met with me in the future.
In future, if you don't have specific business to discuss with me, then
don't come bothering me. I do not want to hear people saying filthy and
unpleasant things behind my back.

Mulan [blurting]: What's that all about?

General Li [sternly]: You are becoming more and more insubordinate. You do
not have proper respect for your superiors. I am not Su Jili, nor am I Pudgy
or Monkey. From now on, treat me with more respect!

Mulan [genuinely puzzled]: But you never objected to the familiar way I
treated you before. I thought you didn't take yourself so seriously; I thought
you didn't mind the jokes I played with you.

General Li [in a huff]: You have been too presumptuous. I mind. I mind

Mulan [surprised]: So you don't want to be friends anymore over this
trifling thing? You want to breakup our friendship?

General Li [sitting down]: Lieutenant Hua, please leave.

Mulan: I thought you were a great and good man. It looks like I was
mistaken. I never thought you were so petty in reality.

General Li [angrily]: Get out!

Mulan: General Li, do you have perverted feelings for me?

General Li [gets up in anger]: I told you to get out!

Mulan [stands her ground]: General Li, if you didn't have feelings for me,
you wouldn't care what other people said. If you care, then you are secretly
feel guilty! [General Li slaps Mulan's face]

General Li: You have no sense of the order of this world! I am warning
you, that if you dare slander me again I will see to it that you'll beaten
within an inch of your life!

Mulan [not backing down]: If you are sending me away because you have
perverted feelings for me, then I won't blame you because I understand. But
if you are sending me away because you care what other people think of you,
then I have no respect for you. Even if you didn't break off our friendship,
I would discontinue it because I have my standards! [General Li sits back
down, but Mulan keeps scolding him] Blowing this out of proportion and
carrying on, then breaking off our friendship for the sake of saving face is
not a good thing. This heartless and dishonorable person wants to be friends
with me? I spit on him! [She storms out of the room, leaving General Li
looking somewhat nettled and uncomfortable over her words]

[Cut to Mulan's quarters. She storms inside and dances around a little in
sheer rage and frustration over what just happened. She walks over to her
teapot and pours some water, which she hurriedly gulps down. She senses
someone is watching her so she turns to see who is at her door. Jili is
standing there looking guilty]

Mulan [sternly]:  What are you doing sneaking around? Get in here! [Jili
walks back in her quarters, whistling nonchalantly] What are you doing here?

Jili: Who's offended you?

Mulan [shortly]: You have!

Jili [surprised]: What's with the hot temper?

Mulan [annoyed]: I'm in a bad mood! You'd best not irritate me! [Sits down]

Jili: If you're in a bad mood, that's all the more reason to find something
to take your mind off things. Let's go to the archery yards and practice
archery. [Tries to grab her arm but Mulan shies away]

Mulan: I'm not going.

Jili: Come on.

Mulan: I'm not going!

Jili: Oh, come on.

Mulan: I said, I'M NOT GOING! [Continues to pout]

Jili [leans over and whispers in her ear]: It's about Li Liang, isn't it?

Mulan [furious]: Don't mention his name!

Jili: Wow. It really is about Li Liang.

Mulan: I said, don't mention him!

Jili: You've fallen in love with him.

Mulan: Out of the mouths of fools. This is the army. We're all men here. How
can there be any male-female relationships?

Jili: You're unhappy because you don't have a male-female relationship with

Mulan [furiously grabs Jili's arm and starts pinching it]: I am calmly
warning you now. I am angry only because he is ignoring me for no good
reason. If you keep talking nonsense I will poison you with arsenic!
[Roughly lets him go. Jili gingerly rubs his arm and frowns at Mulan]

Jili [muttering]: You're making yourself miserable.

Mulan [grabbing his ear]: What did you say?

Jili [grimacing]: I was talking about myself.

[Sergeant Huang walks in the room and looks surprised at the scene]

Sergeant Huang: What are you two doing? [Mulan roughly shoves Jili behind

Mulan: Sergeant Huang, is there something you needed to speak to me about?

Sergeant Huang: There's someone here to see you.

Mulan [mystified]: See me? Who would come to see me?

Sergeant Huang: Well, you'll know when you come to see him. Hurry. [Leads
Mulan out the door. Jili remains behind and keeps rubbing his sore ear]
[Cut to barracks in camp. Hua Hu is putting on his cloak when Mulan walks in
the tent. Her eyes light up when she recognizes her father]

Mulan: Father! [Hua Hu turns and sees his daughter. Mulan hurries over and
sits down in front of him]

Hua Hu: Mulan! My good daug... [Stops himself just in time, then he chuckles] I
finally found you! [Sits back to get a good look at Mulan, who is posing for
her father's benefit] Hm... I almost didn't recognize you. You look very manly
and soldierly, like a warrior.

Mulan [teasing]: Will I pass?

Hua Hu: Yes, you'll do. [Starts to pour some water and drinks a few cups] It
was very difficult to find you.

Mulan: That's right, Father, how did you figure out which camp I was in? [He
drinks another cup of water] Hurry and tell me.

Hua Hu: Well, you left that note for me, yes? And I knew I couldn't catch
up with you. There wasn't anything else I could do, so I gritted my teeth
and went to ask the county magistrate for help. Who knew that the provincial
draft rolls only indicated that you had reported to camp but didn't indicate
where you were stationed? Well, there wasn't any helping it; I went from
province to province, asking at each provincial capital to see the list of
soldiers stationed there and looking for your name. Finally, when I arrived
at Youzhou's provincial capital, I found you listed and that's how I knew
you were in this camp. Oh, it took me such a long time to find you, my good
daug... [Stops himself again] Yes, I really suffered a lot to finally find you.

[Mulan grins back] Um... is everything well?

Mulan [nods]: Yes, everything is fine.

Hua Hu: Is it convenient to bathe?

Mulan [looks around, then whispers]: It's manageable.

Hua Hu [drinks another cup of water]: When was the last time you took a

Mulan [embarrassed]: Father, stop asking about that.

Hua Hu [breaks into a wide grin]: I'm just happy to have found you. That's
all that matters.

[Cut to Mulan's quarters. She walks in alone and notices that Jili is
sitting huddled on her bed in her blankets. His teeth have the blanket's
edge tightly clenched. She walks over and tries to pry Jili from her

Mulan: Hey, what's the matter with you? That's my blanket. [She tugs but
Jili keeps the blanket tightly in his teeth and emits a few growls. After
some more pulling on Mulan's part, he releases his bite on her blanket]

Jili [yawning]: You're finally back. [Stretches and nearly hits Mulan in the
chest, but she covers up quickly] Oops. Sorry about that.

Mulan: Why didn't you go back to your own bunk to sleep? You made a mess of
my bed and blankets.

Jili: I was waiting for you but then I must have fallen asleep. You know,
your bed is so comfortable and fragrant. It's so nice to sleep in it.

Mulan [crossly]: I told you that I didn't want to go practice archery; why
did you stick around?

Jili: I was concerned about you. Why did your father cover so many miles
looking for you?

Mulan: Hmm. how did you know that my father came looking for me? [Sternly]
Were you eavesdropping on our conversation?

Jili [looking guilty]: Um... no I didn't. I was worried about you so I went
looking for you. I accidentally overheard your conversation. [Changing the
subject] Hey, I only heard your father mumble several things. What was he
talking about?

Mulan [pouting]: After all that, it was the same old thing. He's still
trying to get me to leave the army soon. He's worried that I'll eventually
get into some sort of trouble if I stick around.

Jili: Exactly! You'd best listen to your father and immediately leave here
for your own good. It's a very dangerous world out there. At any time you
run the risk of losing your disguise.

Mulan [scoffing]: What? [Jili hurries to shut the door to her quarters,
accidentally pinching his fingers in the process. He blows on them and comes
back to talk to Mulan further]

Jili: You know, ever since you disguised yourself as a woman many people
have started getting ideas about you. [Mulan looks at Jili skeptically] It's
as if you were to put a female kitty cat into a group of male kitty cats in
heat. Now, isn't that dangerous? For the sake of protecting your identity
and maintaining your safety amongst these crazed people, I think you should
leave camp with your father.

Mulan [eyes Jili narrowly]: Su Jili, I am realizing today just how truly filthy
your mind is. It's full of filthy thoughts and ideas. I'm going to
hit you! [Throws a punch in his stomach. Jili cringes in pain]

Jili [grimacing]: I'm concerned about you; why do you have to hit me?

Mulan: Say no more. Regardless, until I make a name for myself I won't
return to my home village. Besides, my father hasn't forced me to go home.

Jili: But.. .aren't you worried about that group of male kitty cats in heat?

Mulan [bravely]: I'm not afraid! If anyone tries to touch me, I'll... kachop!
[Throws a chop towards Jili's groin, but doesn't hit him] Turn him into a
kitty eunuch! Now go. [Sees Jili isn't leaving] I said go! [Reluctantly,
Jili leaves, but he can't resist peeking in again at her door. She glares at
him warningly and he leaves for good]

[Cut to local tavern. Hua Hu is eating at a table. A man carrying a large
sign that reads "Super Fortune Teller" walks in then approaches the seated
Hua Hu. The man peers over his sign and we see that it is Jili in disguise]

Fortuneteller: Kind sir, do you mind if I share a table with you? [Hua Hu
looks the fortuneteller over and nods. Jili sits down, then calls the clerk
over] I'd like whatever this gentleman here is having for breakfast. [The
clerk nods and goes to fetch Jili's food] Thank you. [Eyeing Hua Hu, Jili
suddenly slams his hand on the table, startling Hua Hu] Gentleman, your
signs are turning black. A major calamity will befall you soon.

Hua Hu [not really paying attention]: Thank you for telling me. [He resumes
his meal]

Fortuneteller [slams his hand to get Hua Hu's attention]: Sir, your family

Hua Hu: I'm not telling you. Aren't you a fortuneteller? You should be able
to tell me what my family name is.

Fortuneteller: No wait, I can prophesy by your facial features that a great
calamity will befall you soon. I need your birthsigns so I can do a more
thorough examination to predict your fortune.

Hua Hu [sighs]: I'm sorry. I am a man who is optimistic and rolls with the
punches. I have never relied on fortune telling to seek luck or avoid
misfortune. Thank you, though. May I continue with my breakfast?

Fortuneteller: By all means. [Hua Hu resumes his meal but Jili throws out
another comment nonchalantly] Your leg is lame.

Hua Hu [sets bowl down]: Sir, you are so perceptive! People who know me
and others who don't know me both can tell at a glance that there is
something wrong with my leg... because of this. [Waves his crutch] Now, may I
eat my breakfast?

Fortuneteller: Please do. [Hua Hu resume eating but Jili throws out
another comment] Your leg was injured in battle.

Hua Hu [sets bowl down again]: Sir, these days warfare is a constant
feature of life. Anyone with a lame leg either was injured in battle or
suffered an accident. I mean, no one will deliberately lame his own leg!
Now, may I finish my breakfast?

Fortuneteller: Go right ahead. [The clerk comes and brings Jili's meal,
spreading out several bowls with food, then leaves. Jili turns to Hua Hu] Do
you mind if I eat my breakfast?

Hua Hu: By all means.

Fortuneteller: You also have two wives, four daughters, and one son. [Hua Hu
pauses when he hears these words and looks to Jili with the beginnings of

Hua Hu: Sir, how did you know I have two wives, four daughters, and one

Fortuneteller: I could tell by the spacing in your teeth.

Hua Hu [fingers his teeth]: My tooth spacing.? [They both resume their

Fortuneteller: Also, out of your five children there is one that is both yin
and yang (I'm guessing this means someone that has both masculine and
feminine personality traits, but I'm not sure).

Hua Hu [covering his mouth]: Mystery person? Why would I have a yin-yang
person? May I finish my breakfast?

Fortuneteller: Go right ahead. You know, you're wrong. It's your daughter.
She's female but with masculine traits. She was born a daughter but likes to
act like a son (i.e.-tomboy). Isn't that so?

Hua Hu: Sir, you can really tell all that based on my facial features and
the spacing of my teeth? If so, then you're a genius. You are a genius,
Sir, and I apologize for my rudeness earlier.

Fortuneteller: It's not only based on your tooth spacing. That's why you
need to tell me your birthsigns so I can a proper fortune.

Hua Hu: Really? Well, my birthsigns are... listen carefully... [Notices Jili is
busily eating his breakfast] Sir, can you please put off eating your
breakfast so I can tell you my birthsigns? [He rattles off the signs (don't
know how to translate them, so I won't try)] Did you get that?

Fortuneteller [counting on his fingers]: Are your eyebrows dyed?

Hua Hu [mystified]: Why are you asking about my eyebrows?

Fortuneteller [sighs heavily]: If they had been dyed that would be a good
thing. If they were dyed, you'd now be a general of great rank and prestige.
It's a great pity that you didn't escape the misfortune that followed you. It's
really a pity...

Hua Hu: Well, there really isn't anything to regret about that. Everyone has
his fate to follow, yes?

Fortuneteller: There are two types of fates: the kind you can avoid and the
kind you can't avoid. If many years ago you had a skilled fortuneteller tell
you how to avoid misfortune and pursue good luck, then you would have risen
step by step to great heights.

Hua Hu: Well, it isn't much use talking about the past. But sir, you were
uncannily accurate with describing my things earlier. Didn't you say
something about a great calamity befalling me?

Fortuneteller: Didn't you say that you didn't believe fortunetellers?

Hua Hu: I really believe in fortunetellers, especially in you, sir. Might
I trouble you to figure out this puzzle for me?

Fortuneteller: Alright. Let me see your ear. [Hua Hu turns his head and
presents his ear to Jili] Is this a real ear or a fake ear?

Hua Hu [incredulous]: Is there such a thing as a fake ear?

Fortuneteller: If it were a fake ear that would be a good thing. The great
calamity isn't going to befall you; it's going to befall your son.

Hua Hu [weakly]: Tianci.

Fortuneteller: Is your son enlisted in the army?

Hua Hu: In the army? Then you must be talking about my daug... [Stops himself
just in time] Sir, I think you may be reading too much into this.

Fortuneteller: That's the Yin-yang person.

Hua Hu [in awe]: Sir, you're amazing! You're absolutely amazing! Please
tell me what I can do to resolve this problem. Do you have any solutions?
Fortuneteller: His lifeline will be cut short within ten days.

Hua Hu [looks around him]: Sir... you're amazing. Please, help me find a way
to avoid this misfortune.

Fortuneteller: Well... there is a way.

Hua Hu: What way?

Fortuneteller: I haven't though of it yet. [Jili continues to eat his
breakfast but Hua Hu is unable to think of food]

Hua Hu [pleading]: Sir, can you please delay eating your breakfast and
help me think of a way out of this? Think of it as your good deed for the
day. Help me come up with a solution!

Fortuneteller: I've got it!

Hua Hu: What is it?

Fortuneteller: I haven't thought it through completely yet. [Resumes his
food. Hua Hu is getting impatient]

Hua Hu: Er... [pulls some silver out of his pocket] This... this is a little token
of my esteem, plus I'll pick up the tab for your breakfast. Now sir, can
you just tell me what the solution is?

Fortuneteller: The solution is... [Whispers in Hua Hu's ear; he nods sagely
when he understands what Jili is telling him]

[Cut to archery practice yard. Jili leaning against a tree with a bow in his
hand and leaning his head on an arrow set into the ground. Monkey comes over
and taps the arrow away to wake Jili up]

Monkey: Hey, Su Jili, the big archery test is the day after tomorrow. How
come you're sleeping here and slacking off? You should be practicing!

Jili [wakes up]: I'm not going to practice anymore because I've already made
a hundred hits out of a hundred tries.

[Monkey groans, then notices General Li approaching. He walks over]

Monkey: General Li, sir.

General Li: What's the matter?

Monkey: I hear that your archery skills are legendary. Would you mind giving
us a demonstration?

General Li: Sure. We'll start with accuracy. Would you mind taking this
copper and sticking it in the target? [Hands a copper coin to Monkey] I will
shoot two arrows. If I miss, then I lose.

Jili [walks over]: So what if you lose? You aren't betting like the rest of
us. If you lose it's no skin off your nose.

General Li: If I lose, I'll clean your barracks.

Jili [chuckling]: That's more like it!